Pen and Stage Names

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For years, I struggled with being hyper sensitive, insecure (and its numerous branches, self awareness, acceptance, care, etc.), while living with a cluster of hormonal health issues.

On the emotional side, I was born into a family where various levels of neglect and abuse was considered normal. We kept a good front, but behind closed doors, life was "hell."  On the health side, I had severe food allergy that were not confirmed until much later in life. Often showing up as skin problems (acne, and digestive issues.  Lastly on the spiritual side, my family held deeply polarized views about spirituality/religion, values, and principles. I inherited those divergent views and found it difficult to harmonize my spirits most of my life. To say I grew up in a confusing environment is an understatement.

I feel lucky that I started making healthy living changes while I was quiet young.  In fact, my love of dance fueled much of my health decisions for years. Still the struggle to live a harmonious life in other ways. My divergent religious believes, a long list of cluster symptoms from insulin resistance, hypothyroidism, syndrome X and so on made caring for myself feel like a full-time job. At one point, I carried a cooler in my car so I would have ready access to "my foods" wherever I went. This was before the availability of many of the health foods storesa we see today.

My spiritual life was much more difficult to harmonize. Leaving Christianity  and learning to "decolonize" my mind was a painstakingly slow process. One where I had to uncover my own truth, accept it, and learn to live with it while family and friends raised their eyebrown.  I spent a small fortune on self-help books, certifications, therapy, religious/spiritual activities, and group work. All of it helped. Those that took me further from myself, reminded me of who I am. Those that took me closer to myself, reminded me of my destiny.

While I don't struggle to the same mind/body/spirit extremes anymore, I continue to grow. My life includes daily devotions and prevention practices. I maintain a circle of influence (family and community) that align with my values and principles. I don't focus on belief, I seek to know for myself. I am learning to embrace setbacks as natural parts of life.  I am obedient to life.

I take comfort in African traditions which reminds us that we are all becoming.  I focus on living one day at a time from the inside out. For as long as we are living, we are becoming.

WHAT DOES LIFE LOOK LIKE:

I maintain a strong devotional practice for emotional and mental  balance, harmony, and guidance. I embrace my ancestors and the Gods of my ancestors in every part of my day, throughout my day. I eat only whole foods that my body needs and likes. I do not call myself or my lifestyle by any "isms." Frankly, I avoid anything that constricts my ability to choose anew when I am divinely inspired. 

I eat what I need when I need it. Periodically, I indulge.  I find time to do the things I enjoy with the people that honor and support who I am becoming and bring more joy in my life.  I nurture myself first and extend from the overflow to my family and community. I share my time and resources with those who support and love me. I have a close loving relationship with my body and listen to its needs. I have a supportive, healthy and balanced relationship with my physical environment and nature. 

As a highly sensitive and free spirited being, I carefully choose my circle. People tell you who they are, we just have to listen deeply. I am careful of what (things) I bring into my space.  I practice what some call minimalism today but I am not dogmatic about it. I practice deep listening, silence, compassion, and presence. I am judicious and yet open to endless possibilities. I focus each day on fulfilling my highest purpose and mission with joy. I suck at many things. I'm still learning to be a better business person. I'm still learning to accept and embrace some of my "uglies" fully. I find peace in knowing I am always becoming a better version of myself.

Here are some of the lessons I've learned on my journey so far. Maybe some of them with inspire you on your journey:

1. Root myself in my lineage and ancestral practices helped me know and recognize who and what I was without all the fear, shame, and guilt. I am made of my ancestral bones, blood, and flesh. Embracing this simple concept had the most positive effects on my sense of self than everything else combined.
2. Meditation, Deep Listening, Introspection helped me make peace with the "great void" and mysteries that are all around me all the time. I embrace the unknown, change, and unpredictability that is sometimes a part of life.
3. Honoring my natural rhythm and seasons helped me engage the world in healthier ways. I am better able to recognize my truth when it presents itself. I am no longer rushing. I embrace and practice awareness of each moment.
4. Embracing mystical experiences as a way of life helped me face my fears and build the wisdom and courage to live my life without apology, I had to accept my mystic nature.  I have learned to dismiss and even ignore those who do not honor this part of me. Instead I look for those who do and my life has evolved in ways I never imagined.
5. Engaging a 80/20 model wellness lifestyle (good nutrition, activity, etc.) has helped me practice self-compassion and physical preservation so I can enjoy life without over-indulging. I respect my limits and honor them as best as I can daily. I no longer have to do anything perfectly. Instead I focus on consistency, small steps, and positive outcomes in each moment.
6. Mission-based living and Purposeful Giving -My life is guided by my life mission. That makes my focus clear and my attention to unfolding a good destiny unbreakable. I also used to give indiscriminately.  My resources (time, money, effort...) requires careful evaluation before sharing. In this way, I give from a place of love and abundance rather than the fear of missing or loosing out.
7. People's opinions of me are non of my business. As a highly sensitive and free minded being, I used to avoid conflict by making too many compromises. People-pleasing can rob years of our lives. I've learned to ignore and dismiss those opinions I don't value. Along with this, I love the four agreements and do my best to practice them in every day life.
8. Lastly, I look for ways to be joyously CREATIVE and heARTFUL daily. An artist who is not "arsty" slowly dies inside. Creativity is my gift. By creating arts and the communities I value, my live is deeply enriched.

 

May my experiences inspire and support you on your journey. If you are struggling with any of those things I spoke about, reach out. I am here to support you.


N'Spirit,
Irmina (Updated 08/28/2021)